koko wa rakuen

Phase of Romantic Neo Japanesque

28 June
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purple SKY - a Japanese rock magazine

A Brief History of the World According to Sarah

Year -1: Buck-Tick creates the chaotic cosmos.
Year 0: Kami-sama decides the chaotic cosmos are boring and makes a flat sheet of dirt he calls Tierra.
Year 0.00001: Kami-sama decides dirt is even more boring and makes animals, including homo sapiens and Gackt.
Year 1: Kami-sama makes a big mistake and makes Americans, who kill and eat everything while touching their genitals.
Year 2: Gackt becomes the Emperor of Humans and decides to mess up everyone's sense of time by having two eras of man: BCE and BL, which makes no sense. He also says the world is round like a bum.
5000 BCE: The Ancient Hebrews cast Gackt out of the Cradle of Civilization because of his insistance that everyone should run around naked. Plus he smells funny.
4999 BCE: Gackt comes back screaming, "Am I my brother's keeper?" No one has any clue as to what he's saying, so they lock him in a safe and throw him into the ocean.
44 BCE: The Romans find out that their great emperor, Julius Caesar, is actually Gackt. Subsequently, Gackt is assassinated by his close friend, Yukihiro "Brutus" Fujimura.
43 BCE: Gackt rises from the grave and decides Europe is too picky about their leaders, so he moves to Japan.
1 BL: Jesus is born to the Virgin Mary. Joseph calls Mary a slut. Let's just say their marriage was never the same.
2 BL: Jesus tries to teach about love, kindness, peace, and tolerance the moment he learns to talk, but the Romans are too busy recovering from the Age of Gackt to notice.
32 BL: Jesus mysteriously disappears.
1492 BL: Christopher Columbus sails to the Western Hemisphere to discover an island of 5'2", skinny, brown eyed, fabulous haired, girly men with voices that could arouse the straightest Republican.
1493 BL: Columbus and his crew are never heard from again, though there ship is found filled with holes shaped like pentacle rings.
1500 BL: Gackt starts the world's first pop music band in Norway. They're called Gurgengach.
1685 BL: Mana has raunchy, unprotected S&M sex with Die from Dir en grey.
June 28, 1686 BL: Miraculously, Mana gives birth to Sarah. Sarah is born addicted to sexy Japanese men and women.
1740 BL: Yoshiki forms X Japan. He waits over 230 years for glam to become popular.
1986 BL: Sarah accidently ruins Gackt's career in Norway by revealing that he's not a natural blond. Gackt uses his mizagical powers to make Sarah forget about everything before 1986.
1 AL: Tetsu seduces a member of that tribe Columbus discovered on the island. The Age of L'Arc~en~Ciel begins.
2 AL: Gackt goes to Japan and starts a harem of sexy Japanese men. The world rejoices.
7 AL: Hideto "hide" Matsumoto goes on vacation.
9 AL: Sarah finds her real mommy in Burlington, ON, Canada, but doesn't realize it until it's too late.
11 AL: Sarah becomes a member of the Church of the Holy Hydeist.
12 AL: LiveJournal is plagued with Sarah's journal entries. The world mourns.
13 AL: Sarah writes a Brief History of the World According to Sarah.
13.7 AL: The first coming of The L'Arc.
14.6 AL: Sarah returns to the motherland, binges, purges, and returns to the U.S. with a bite taken out of her soul. hyde hawks his hair.
455,874,487,285 AL: L'Arc~en~Ciel disbands. The world ends.

And just so you don't think I'm a Japan-centric whore...

Law and Order: SVU Is DOINK DOINK

You will almost undoubtedly by added.